2020. Changing the fundamentals of the way we do life.
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2020. What the heck?
I haven’t even known where to begin with this year, as it feels like the year that just keeps on giving…in a bad way. First bushfires, now COVID-19. And just when it feels like things were starting to get better, we’re back in this mess of a situation with lockdown after lockdown.
Being a Victorian is not a good thing right now. Not mentally, not physically.
COVID-19 has turned the world on its head. I can only liken it to a world war, except we’re waging a war against a virus, not each other. (And our lives aren’t being threatened by physical violence, which I completely recognise is in a different league altogether to COVID-19 - it’s just that war is the most similar situation I can think of that has had the global impact this virus has had.) It’s bringing people together while tearing people apart. It’s a relentless game-changer, that has moved far beyond the whole ‘let’s bake sourdough’ phase.
It’s been tough on our kids, our families, our parents, our businesses, our teachers, our healthcare workers, our food supply chain…you name it, we’ve now all surely been impacted in some way.
At the beginning, I found it fascinating watching people deal with a health situation they had no control over. Welcome to my LIFE with our son. I spent years in fear of the world around him - especially in winter - wondering whether he would catch the flu, whether it would send him to hospital, or even if it would be fatal. If he slept in (very unusual for him) did it mean that his little heart had stopped beating during the night? I would walk into his room going over CPR in my mind.
I wondered in the early months of this year if it was only me who found the whole response to such ’injustice’ on people’s lives interesting/frustrating/insightful, or whether other people dealing with critical and chronic illness didn’t see things like I was. Was I alone in finding the whole reaction a bit grating on my nerves?
I could see people around me going through the whole cycle of grief in a short period of time - because of COVID-19.
But quite honestly, the more this year has dragged on and as I’ve now watched COVID-19 rear its ugly head over and over again in the most unlikely of places (i.e. New Zealand), the more I feel like people’s grief cycle over this virus is warranted.
This virus has stripped so much from our lives. I know that good has come, and no doubt will come from it, but right now I think very few people are feeling that way. This virus has changed the very way we do life in Australia. It’s broken down social connections. It’s stopped people checking in with each other over coffee. It’s stopped girls nights full of tears and laughter (often happening at the same time). It’s stopped our kids from playing with each other for weeks, if not months on end. It’s stretched families and marriages to their absolute limits. It’s seen people die with no loved ones by their sides. It’s seen people get married with only a handful of people present. It’s changed the way we can support each other through grief and joy. It’s stopped the sense of community we get by sharing a meal together. It’s stopped face-to-face church gatherings where we can reset our perspective together each week. It’s seen grandparents missing out on seeing their brand new grandbabies as infants. It’s stopped people being able to drop in and do a load of washing for a new mum. It’s stopped casual chats in bookshops. It’s stopped the curiosity of meeting a new person, instead making it a time when we’re trying to work out whether they’re a COVID threat or not.
This virus has made me sad to the core, because it’s changing some of the fundamentals of the way we do life. And while we’re locking down to try and prevent the spread of a deadly disease, lockdown is also increasing the frequency and impact of other social issues, like domestic violence, relationship breakdown and social isolation.
The whole thing feels like a double-edged sword; fight one issue to create another. Much like the balancing act medical professionals are forced to contend with in ‘normal pre-COVID-19 life’. Treating one health issue can have unwanted side-effects and create secondary health issues. The weight of responsibility is huge.
So maybe now I’m in my own stage of grief? I’m grieving the unravelling of the very fabric of Australian community. I’m grieving the fact that we’ve found ourselves in a situation where we’re all balancing up one difficult scenario against another and wondering which choice is best. I’m grieving my little 3-year-old no longer questioning the use of hand sanitiser in every shop, and instead it’s already become his normal. I’m grieving the reality that being a Victorian literally makes people take a step backwards.
COVID-19 is relentless. It’s exhausting. And I think as most people, I’m wondering ‘how the heck are we going to get through this?’. And at what cost?